Entry: hmmm Sunday, October 24, 2004



technically, i am still catholic.

but i feel more unitarian than anything.

due to the fact that my personal political beliefs, beliefs in general, and feelings as a whole are not accepted by the catholic church, i cannot say i enjoy being catholic.

for a long time i've accepted their non-acceptance. and now i just cant anymore. its not funny or cute to turn away from someone or to tell someone they're wrong. who decides right or wrong? god? well god has not made arguments and decisions about every single thing. not in the bible and thats the only way to be sure of what he says apparently. there is too much gray, the bible is in black and white but i'm not going to live my life in accordance with that book.

i'm sorry if i'm deeply offended by you all, but you know what? i've been told i'm wrong for far too long. there are other places, other religions, in which any opinion is valued and not argued. when you make a statement there arent 14 people waiting in a line to correct it.

gosh, i feel bad now. but its all what i think. maybe this isnt the best place to post this, i'll probably be ex-communicated, but that does sort of prove my point, eh?

now i know, i'm totally wrong on all of this. go ahead and toss me the bible and i'll "read" it. then again, you'll probably read it to me. same thing, really. go ahead and tell me how wrong i am.

i've found god. i've found my own god.
and my god doesnt mind when i dont capitalize his name. he doesnt mind when i break any of the ten commandments. because right now, i'm learning. i'm learning whats okay with me personally, and whats okay with the world.

i'll find a medium in there somewhere.
my god knows that when i'm sorry, i'm really sorry and i dont need to tell some guy about what i did wrong so HE can tell me.
my god knows that being sorry is enough of a punishment.
my god loves me and i love him. because he is an accepting god.
and people who know MY god know not to persecute someone for being different.
they know not to throw a book at them or read them brochures for loving someone who shares the same gender.
they know and understand people who have problems and difficulties and dont tell those people who need things, real things, to turn to something they cant see or feel.

i hope you meet my god too.
he's really cool.

   4 comments

A friend
December 3, 2004   07:49 PM PST
 
Hey there! My heart goes out to you. I've been through so many difficulties and probably a lot of the same ones you're going through. I believe in God, but you don't offend me by what you write. I will definitely pray for you and hope that God will shed a ray of His light into your life. He loves you far more than you will ever know. Take comfort in His Cross.
jen
November 2, 2004   09:01 PM PST
 
I left the catholic church as a kid. I was twelve and got tired of being told what to do and having so many rules. I hated that people figured they were so good as to tell me what to do. After that, I started high school, did the drinking thing, tried to do the party thing, but it wasn't me. I kept feeling something was missing. A friend asked me to go to her church's youth service and I tell you it changed my life. I know what its like to always feel like you are wrong, and that what you think doesnt matter or is wrong. I lived that way for so long. I tried to do everyhting I could to please the people around me, and to do what I thought was acceptable to them. You know what though? Eventually God met me where I was. He showed me that there is freedom, and that all I needed to do was search after Him. God loves you, and desires the same thing for you as for every other person. He wants to have a deep, meaningful relationship... on his terms, right where you are. He knows what you need, what you like and how to best interact with you. He created you right?

The bible is God's word. There is no denying that. It is the one book that holds the answers to life. But as important as it is to trust God's word as truth - we must trust God himself.

You have a lot of people praying for you. Don't give up on him, he won't give up on you. He loves you just as you are. No matter what you have done, what you are doing, or what you will do in the future. No matter what sins you commit, no matter how many times he will never love you any less. There is a difference between breaking a commandment and seeking forgiveness for it, and breaking a commandment just for the sake of breaking it. Rebellion is different than sin. Sin is human. Every one of us does, and God is ready to forgive us for all our sins. We just have to ask.

I realize that if you don't want to listen, you won't. That is between you and God. For my part, I am just trying to encourage you to fight the good fight, and not let the enemy twist words, confuse you and destroy the work of God in you. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy (that is in the bible). And I bet the catholic church has not told you that before. There is a battle going on for your soul right now. The question is, will you let God fight for you, or will you try to fight for yourself? If you turn to God with a sincere heart, you will win.

I will keep you in prayer pink

Jen
Name
November 1, 2004   11:20 PM PST
 
I'm praying for you. But, even if you aren't Catholic you can still be a Christian and God really wants you to hold on, even if you believe lots of things that others don't. I mean this with all of my heart. Just because you believe different things, doesn't mean that you will be excommunicated and can't be a Catholic or Christian anymore. Pray for guidance. If you try and ignore God and make up your own god, you need to stop yourself for a minute and think really hard about this. We don't hate you, you know. Just because of all this. We love you enough to care about your problems and pray for you. We have faith that you will find what's right and delight in it.

God Bless.
~J~
October 25, 2004   08:56 AM PDT
 
That's deep man. i dont know you, and i really don't know much at all about catholosism at all. I'm a christian, i dont belong to any denomination or anything, i just love my Lord, and live to please him alone. Plain and simple. and i'll be praying that you'll find your way, find your place, wherever it is. Good luck dude.

~J~

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